if the fates allow
by airbefore
Summary: The tree shimmers merrily in front of them, the strands and strands of twinkle lights casting the loft in a warm haze. Bing Crosby's rich tone floats on the air, wrapping around them, warming her heart. *Post ep for 5x09* One Shot. Complete.


AN: Post ep for 5x09. I was going to make this a ficlet but decided to let it stand on its own. Enjoy.

* * *

_through the years_

_we all will be together_

_if the fates allow_

The tree shimmers merrily in front of them, the strands and strands of twinkle lights casting the loft in a warm haze. Bing Crosby's rich tone floats on the air, wrapping around them, warming her heart. Her toes curl lazily against the wool of his socks, the small bones shifting noisily under her skin. Castle grins and tugs her feet into his lap, fingers kneading at the tender muscles. Kate sinks further into the couch, watches the way the lights strobe over his face, casting the long shadow of his nose over his cheek, silhouetting the gentle pout of his lips. A sigh slips through her chest, contentment wrapped in a blanket of warm air.

"This is nice," she hums, pressing her heel into his thigh. The smile tilting at his lips softens as he turns to look at her, so much love written into the lines of his face. Her heart seizes, falling into a stuttering arrhythmia that steals her breath.

"I'm glad you came." His fingers tighten around her foot and he nods, a silent acknowledgement of everything he's not saying. Everything she wants but isn't ready for. He knows her, know that this- sitting on his couch on Christmas Eve, drinking eggnog and watching the tree - this is all she can give him right now. She knows it's not what he wants but he's trying so hard to let it be enough and she loves him all the more for it. The words tangle in her chest, fighting through the heavy thicket of fear and apprehension, desperately seeking light.

"Me too." Kate tugs her foot out of his grasp and scoots closer to him, draping her legs over his lap. "Thank you for asking me." She presses a kiss to cheek, lingers. "And for understanding when I said no."

"You don't have to thank me for either of those thing but you're welcome." His arm wraps around her and she leans into him, drops her head to his shoulder. "What made you change your mind?"

"I made coffee."

"What?"

"After you left, I made coffee. And it was terrible," she laughs, her nose brushing against his collar. "All I could think was that I wished you were there. Not just to make me coffee that was actually fit to consume but - To spread your joy. Make me smile. You have such a true appreciation for all of this-" she waves her hand around at the opulent decorations - "and it's impossible to fight it. Trust me, I tried."

"Yeah, I know," he sighs, humor coloring the words. "How well do I know."

"Right. So I dumped the coffee, made the trade with Karpowski and came here. Because what was the point in wishing I could be with you when I actually could?"

"Unassailable logic there, Detective."

"I thought you might like that."

"Are you -" He falters, hesitance creeping up his throat. "Are you sure you're okay, though? Not working tomorrow, I mean."

"Yes. I'm here because I want to be, Castle. I want to spend our first Christmas together."

His lips are over hers before she can even register his movement, tongue hot and insistent. She kisses him back, lets the urgency of his mouth pull her in, sweep her up in a swirling current of need and desire. Castle leans her back and she goes willingly, a moan swimming in the back of her throat as he covers her body with his, pressing her down into the buttery leather cushions of his couch. He breaks away, panting, his hands under her sweater, thumbs strumming lightly over her sides.

"What was that for?" The words stutter out of her chest between gasps of air, her heart pounding out a samba against her ribs.

"'Our first Christmas'," he parrots, a lazy smile pulling at his kiss swollen lips. "That's the second time you've said that."

"Okay?" She can hear the confusion in her own voice, feels her eyebrows furrowing.

"First, Beckett. First Christmas." He relaxes his neck, dropping his forehead down to rest on hers. "That means you're planning on there being more."

"Well, yeah," she laughs, her lips brushing his. "Aren't you?"

"Of course. But we're - we're still taking this slowly, right? Just one day at a time?"

"Castle -"

"I know," he assures her, his voice soft and warm against her ear, lips sliding down to caress the line of her neck. "I know that's how you need to do this. And I understand. So knowing that you're thinking about more Christmases, that you want to be here next year - It means a lot, Kate. Probably more than you're ready to hear right now."

She wraps her arms around his chest, hands cupping over his shoulder blades, and tugs, pulling the full weight of his body down on top of hers. Castle props himself up on his forearms and leans back, his fingers playing with the ends of her hair. His face is soft and open, the lines around his eyes crinkled with pure joy.

"I'll be here next year."

He nods, the lights from the tree highlighting the moisture shimmering in his eyes.

"I know."

"Good."

His darts in and catches her mouth again, the kiss slow and full to the brim with all the things they both want to say but won't. Not tonight. This, holding each other in front of his tree as Christmas sneaks in with the early morning hours, is enough. For now. She smiles at him as he breaks away, his fingers feathering over her cheek, love pouring out of his eyes.

"I'm totally buying you a present next year. You know that, right?"


End file.
